Preamble:
A close friend of mine, Dorai Thodla, contacted me through Linkedin after a gap of almost 44 years. Dorai is a Teacher, Blogger and Innovation Motivator in the Information Technology sector. In fact, it was Dorai who motivated and guided me to set up this web site. I am grateful to him, as it has been one of my dreams to write a web based power systems text book. Blogging is the first step! This blog evolved from an email which Dorai sent me recently.
Casual conversation in 1976:
Dorai: Sesh, you are helping us (bachelors) so much. Hosting us, giving us company and entertaining us. What can I do to repay?
Sesh: Dorai, you don’t have to do anything for me. When you get married, invite bachelors for a nice home meal
44 years later,
Dorai: That has been Mantra for life. Then I saw the movie “Pay it forward” and I soooo thought of you 🙂
Sesh’s Response:
Well, it all started when I joined Indian Institute of Technology, Kanpur (IIT/K) in 1967. India was in the midst of a turmoil with Anti-Hindi agitation in the South and Anti-English agitation in the North. It was a culture shock when I landed in Kanpur to start my Masters in Engineering. I had lived all my life in the comfort of my home in South India and fed by my mother.
IIT/K was an American Campus transported to India and installed near Kanpur city in Uttar Pradesh state. The local people had a very different culture and fanatical about Hindi. I had to be on guard, as the Hindi speaking local people could be hostile to English speaking South Indians. It was crazy and often hilarious. On one occasion, the agitators pulled down a shop hoarding ‘Imperial Dry Cleaners’ written in English. They were happy when it was replaced by ‘Imperial Drya Cleaners’ written in Hindi.!
My life at IIT/K started in Hall 5 (Americanised name for Hostels) with a vast majority of the residents being North Indians. The food at the hostel catered essentially for North Indians. The cooks did not even know that human beings lived in South India. They were still in the age of Ramayana – a popular Indian Mythological story. At that time, it was presumed that only monkeys & bears lived in South India and Rakshasas (demons) in Sri Lanka. It was a terrifying experience to walk into the dining hall to see dry (pulka) chapatis instead of rice. This was served with a crunchy vegetable (called Tinda) and a slimy dal (lentil soup). I had never seen or tasted those dishes. However, by the time I left IIT/K, I had fallen in love with hot pulka chapatis. The thick roast chapatis (parathas) with pickle and yogurt on Sunday mornings was heaven. I still miss them!
My close friends at that time were Narayana Swamy and Srinath. They were both from my home town of Mysore and spoke Kannada. We were desperate for a good home cooked South Indian meal. There were no South Indian restaurants in Kanpur at that time. Even if it was there, we could not have afforded it. Srinath came with the bright idea of befriending a South Indian family, so that we could get invited to their house. Srinath is one of the funniest persons I have known. His talks were always funny and weird. Anyway, he did manage to locate one such person, Mr.Gopal Rao. Gopal Rao was a Mysorean and was working as a civil engineer in charge of our hostel construction. Part of the building was still under construction, when we moved into Hall 5. Srinath befriended him and introduced us to Gopal Rao. His house was in Kanpur city – a good distance from the IIT campus. We used to initiate a casual conversation with him, hoping for an invitation. But it was not forthcoming. So, we got a bit more overt and started pestering him for an invite. He had no choice.
One fine day, we got the invitation we were waiting for. We were very excited. An hour of bus ride and a ten minute walk to his house went off in a flash. We entered the house and met Mrs.Gopal Rao – a pleasant and hospitable lady. She was quite easy to talk to and we did feel at home conversing with her. After some time, great smelling & beautiful bondas came from the kitchen and was served in the lounge. We cleaned it up in no time. Then came the coffee! The three of us looked at each other. It was a bit of a shock and we were hungry. After we drank the coffee, Mr. Gopal Rao said that he would take us out to a very nice place. We thought he may be taking us to a hotel for dinner.
He took us to a nearby Paan (betel leaf) Shop on the main road. He said that the Paan Beeda (betel leaf with fillings) is very good at that shop. We did not eat or like the Paan anyway. Eating Paan is a popular pastime in North India. It is almost akin to cigarette smoking. Specialised Pan and Cigarette shops are present in almost every street corner in North India. In South India, the betel leaf along with betel nuts are mostly used as a symbolic offering at social & religious rituals. In fact, there is a saying in Kannada: ‘The honor one loses over a betel nut cannot be regained even by giving an elephant’.
Coming back to the main subject, the signal was loud and clear – No Dinner! Gopal Rao walked with us to the bus stop and waved us goodbye. We were hungry and furious as we had missed the dinner at the hostel as well. I cannot repeat the words used on our return journey. They are a bit rude to write here. We made our disappointment known to Mr.Gopal Rao. We praised the bondas whenever we met him. Srinath pleaded with him for a proper dinner invitation. Myself and Narayana Swamy were a bit embarrassed, but Srinath had made up his mind.
Lo and behold, we were invited again! I am positive that there was some pressure from the family as well. His wife was a very hospitable and nice lady. She must have enjoyed our company. There were not many Kannada speaking families around in Kanpur at that time. I am sure she was very happy to converse with us in Kannada.
We went there for the second time. I had one of the most wonderful dinners of my life. It was tasty, exquisite and perfect. This time though we had to go into the dining / kitchen area. There we saw two beautiful teenage daughters. We all sat together on the floor for dinner, while Mrs.Gopal Rao served the food. Srinath’s eyes lit up. He was on cloud nine. All of us, except for Gopal Rao, talked and talked and had a great evening. The family was happy to meet someone who could converse in Kannada. Gopal Rao watched. I could see the discomfort in his eyes.
Dinner was a great success! When we were leaving, to our surprise, Mrs.Gopal Rao announced that we could drop in for dinner any time and there was no need for a formal invitation!! Gopal Rao quickly ushered us out of the house. That was the last time we saw him.
The story has a happy ending. After a few weeks, Srinath claimed that a distant relative had arrived at the campus. His name is Dr.K.Subramanya, Professor in Department of Civil Engineering. He had come back from Canada to settle in India. Dr.Subramanya and his wife Prabha (if I remember correctly) were wonderful hosts. I can never forget them.
Almost every week myself and Srinath used to end up in their house for dinner. Dr.Subramanya was very young at heart. Quite often we used to play childish games along with their toddler son. His wife used to be busy cooking for us and always kept a dignified and pleasing demeanour. I still remember the day when I made a paper plane for the toddler son. This resulted in a paper plane competition to hit the doll on the side table. By the time dinner was ready, the lounge was full of paper planes. When Mrs.Subramanya walked into the mess, she was her usual dignified self. With a pleasant smile, she announced that the dinner is ready.
Myself and Srinath shifted to Hall 4 (Post Graduate hostel) in our second year. The food was much better there. As a bonus, South Indian food was served once or twice a week. Being a Post Graduate hostel, there were quite a few South Indians. Some of them took the initiative of training the cooks to prepare South Indian dishes. By the way, Narayana Swamy remained at Hall 5 and was not part of our Dr.Subramanya venture. We used to meet him occasionally after moving to Hall 4.
To give Mrs.Subramanya a break, we used to invite the family to the Weekly Special Dinner at Hall 4. This dinner was quite the routine for us. But Mrs.Subramanya enjoyed the North Indian dishes served there. I thoroughly enjoyed the company of Dr.Subramanya and the family. I became very close to Dr.Subramanya. He was almost like my elder brother. After I met him, life at IIT/K became a lot more enjoyable and the campus became home.
Epilogue
In my life, I have never been able to repay someone who has helped me. They have helped me spontaneously and without expectations. Also, they did not really need my help. So, the only way to repay is to help someone in need without any expectation – Paying it Forward is the only way!!!!!
To maintain privacy, the names in this Blog have been changed – except for Srinath and Dr. Subramanya. Through this blog, I hope to locate Srinath who left for the U.S. immediately after his Masters. It will be my pleasure to get in touch with Dr.Subramanya and his family.
